I've been disturbed for some days, maybe months... Crazily getting angry about everything and never being satisfied. I miss the feeling of writing something down and really getting free from some really messed up feelings and words that i'd never ever say to anyone.
So, I don't fucking know how to deal with all this shit. I've been trying to ignore all of my feelings, but they kind of acumulate and always comes the time when I can't ignore any of them and I just wanna stay home and sleep so that I won't mess with other's peoples minds too.

Just like now, I start wanting to say something but it never gets out of my brain, and it fucking gets me mad. Maybe I should stop starting things and never getting to end anything... Like, I start reading all those books and never end any of them; I start talking about something but I get tired of everything else that comes with it and I stop saying what I should've said a long time ago; I start loving someone and I can't keep going 'cause I know that I can't make it through and I know that I'd never get over losing someone that I love.
I took five years to get over my grandfa's death and I still think about it every second of everyday. I will never stop thinking about things that I should or shouldn't say or do. I start going insane when I think, 'cause I always think too much and do too little. I will never get to look in someone's eyes and say "I love you"... My brain kind of stops working every time I try to say something really important, and that sucks.
Not being able to be who I was supposed to be really fucking sucks.