Dia bonito.

Hoje é domingo e eu quase fui feliz, mas é dia vinte-e-quatro. Seriam três meses hoje. É tão pouco, não é? Mas eu sinto tanto. Sinto tanto que tudo tenha terminado assim e sinto tanto que eu tenha chorado tanto em vão... E sinto muito também que não vou mais chorar. Que algum dia eu sei que vou acordar e não vou pensar em você e não vou querer morrer. E tudo vai passar, da mesma forma que passou com o Thiago. E vai demorar. Mas em meu coração está gravado: "antes tarde do que nunca!". E o que eu mais sinto, é tua solidão de nunca encontrar alguém pra te amar como eu. Porque tu sabes e eu também sei que só eu te consertei e quando alguém partir teu coração de novo, eu não estarei disponível. E talvez nesse dia tu comece a andar perdida e morta pelo mundo e lembre-se e entenda meu desespero. E eu espero que passes por isso e fique bem. E, meu amor, não me lembra não. Deixa só esse filetezinho de saudade por aí que eu ainda conseguirei te mandar um pouquinho de luz.

Clementine,

I have missed you so much. I feel like dying everytime I think about you and how things got so fucked up in such a little time. I feel really sick. I never thought anyone could make me feel this bad, but there you are. I've been trying not to talk to you and it's not easy, not even close. A minute ago I was thinking about last Christmas and then I was thinking about how's it gonna be this year. I mean, it's so close and you're so far and you made me hate something I thought I would always love. But I can't help but still loving you.
I don't actually know what to say to make you understand how I feel... I've said so many things and yet you act like "hmm okay". I guess I don't even know you anymore. You used to be so lovable and you trusted me. I know I'm really fucked up and I know I'm not easy to deal, but baby, you gave it up. Maybe some day you'll learn to keep your promises.
I am so full of love and I don't have anyone to lay it on, so I've been taking it from my veins. You probably ain't gonna understand any of this or maybe you'll pretend you don't understand, but I'm used with you acting dumb. I'm so tired of loving you so much and looking at you're pictures and wanting to die and having to talk about it to a stranger and my mother talking about how weak I am. God damn it, I'm so fucking weak and I fucking know it already, thanks for reminding me.
You know, you're weak too... So fucking weak you couldn't take my love and... You just stand there with you're closed eyes acting like everything is okay when it's never gonna be okay. You can't love someone because it's easier for you to pretend you don't feel anything. It reminds me of Effy, but in the end I am the one freaking out because of you. You made me go crazy, you made me weak. And I will always love you.
"Tu me manques."